He did it. He actually managed to describe how it feels to live with depression and suicidal tendencies.
this is really, really important
This reminds me of what I was discussing yesterday about needing bad with the good in relationships
CAN I JUST SAY TO ANYONE SUFFERING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS YOU ARE ONE BADASS MOTHER FRICKER BECAUSE NOTHING IS MORE TERRIFYING THAN BATTLING WITH YOUR OWN MIND EVERY SINGLE DAY
its just like this omg
Oh my god.
Truer words were never said.
holy shit this is exactly it.
This. I’m in awe.
omg, this is perfect.
PTSD works like this too.
It’s late and I have insomnia b/c my meds don’t work anymore. The ativan we replaced my xanax with (b/c *it* stopped working) does bugger all and the abilify worked for about a week. I have an appt with my pdoc on Tuesday and I’m not too pleased with her b/c she wants to put me back on anti-psychotics which DON’T work and give me horrible hand tremors (I have bipolar and PTSD so they aren’t exactly helpful anyway or the correct medications). She sees me for about 5 minutes at a time and given the arguments about my meds the last 2 times I am afraid that she will be less than helpful at this upcoming appt.
I can’t see anyone at this time b/c I am out of town visiting my family. I only came b/c it is probably the last time I will see my cousin who has advanced liver cancer. I was triggered about a week and a half ago so being here at my first abuser’s house (my mother - verbal, physical, and emotional) without an anti-anxiety pill is KILLING me. Add to it severe insomnia and I’m a mess. A HUGE BLOODY MESS.
I’m on the verge of tears right now. I’m fantasizing about things that I usually don’t care about. Like inventing/wishing I had a caring, loving partner who was here to soothe me and help share the brunt of my mother’s (still very) pointed and sharp comments and constant barrage of self-defeating comments. At home I am more than happy with my choice to be a spinster, but right now, oh right now, to have someone on my side propping me up and soothing me at night….
I just can’t anymore. Thank god she goes back to work tomorrow. And the fucked up thing is my laptop died. Hopefully it’ll be an easy fix (I think that the cord connecting my screen to the body is either loose or dying since it sometimes works and there’s a repair store nearby that I’m going to tomorrow and if all else fails there’s an Apple Genius store I have an appt with on Friday. The cord is listed as $40 at iFixit so I’m hoping that the cost isn’t exorbitant. My escape into my writing (via RP) and my contacts on skype is all I have at the moment.
I don’t want to cry b/c I know if I start it will snowball into me ending up in an emergency room. But hey! At least they’ll give me the good anti-anxiety drugs. Not that I can afford them being on out of state medicaid. *sigh*
I’m sick of being broken and I just want to be at home where I can breakdown and have support.
what i mean when i say “i can’t do that” - the depression edition
- i am unable to do that
- i don’t have the energy to do that
- i cannot wrap my head around what you’re asking me to do
- there is too much in my head right now
- i can not do that
what people hear:
- i am unwilling to do that
- i am being stubborn for no reason
- i am being dramatic
- i am lazy
- i need you to repeat that only louder
- i need a push
- i don’t want to do that
Bless this post
This applies to PTSD as well (and bipolar and chronic illness…. Yeah you get the point)