Mother’s Day is a difficult day for estranged adult children. It’s important to know what not to say to your estranged friends.
ALL OF THIS.
"Do you remember the angriest you’ve ever been?"
"The day I finally got my mom to stop hitting me."
shit that’s the was one of the happiest days of my life.
Spend childhood walking on eggshells to avoid making mom upset
Mom: “You really need to stop trying to make yourself invisible to others!”
There is a difference between blaming and shaming a person. Blaming is being told you did something wrong. Shaming is being told that there’s something wrong with you, and you’re worthless, bad, inferior or inadequate. Examples of shaming statements include:
· “You were a mistake; I wish I’d never had you”
· “You’re useless; you’ll never amount to anything.”
· “You could never do what he/she does”
· “You’ve ruined my life; you ruin everything for everyone”
Adults shamed in childhood have the following traits:
1. They are afraid to share their true thoughts and feelings with others.
2. They are terrified of intimacy and put up walls in relationships. They also fear commitment as they expect to be rejected.
3. They are often extremely shy, easily embarrassed, and are terrified of being shamed or humiliated. They tend to suffer from debilitating false guilt.
4. They struggle with feelings of worthlessness and believe they are inferior to others. They believe that is something they can never change as worthlessness is at the core of who they are.
5. They often feel ugly and flawed, even when they’re beautiful – and everyone tells them that.
6. They may be narcissistic and act as if they have it all together; alternatively, they may be completely selfless, almost to the point of being a doormat.
7. They are often very defensive and find it hard to bear the slightest criticism. They feel as if they are being constantly watched and judged.
8. They have a pervasive sense of loneliness and always feel like outsiders (even when others genuinely like and love them).
9. They feel controlled – as if they always have to do want others want and say – and this blocks spontaneity.
10. They are perfectionists and usually suffer from performance anxiety. This may also cause them to be procrastinators.
11. They tend to block their feelings through compulsive behaviors like eating disorders, retail therapy or substance-abuse.
12. They find it hard to establish and enforce healthy boundaries with others.
[12/27/13 3:32:02 AM] Burrow: and i just realized that no matter how much i want to see my brother and my father i can’t stay in this room in this house ever again
[12/27/13 3:32:17 AM] Burrow: i came b/c matt is dying and i’ll never see him again
[12/27/13 3:32:36 AM] Burrow: but this is the place i hid from my mother. this is the place i gave myself insomnia
[12/27/13 3:32:51 AM] Burrow: i never want to see these walls again
[12/27/13 3:33:15 AM] Burrow: even if that means cutting off my family
[12/27/13 3:33:25 AM] Burrow: i just have to do it
I’m crying right now and I can’t sleep. It’s 0335 in the morning. My heart hurts because I love my father and my brother with all my heart, but I just can’t anymore. I’m not strong enough. I can’t pretend like it’s not killing me. Like even though I needed to see Matt before he died I had to convince myself to get in my car and drive here. And that took 3 fucking hours.
I can’t. I just can’t. I’ve put on the good face this whole time, but I’ve slept like a total of 10 hours since I’ve been here. I’ve just faked the rest. And I am constantly on guard. And I feel like shit.
I don’t want to lose my family, but I don’t see any other choices. God I fucking hate her. WHY DID SHE DO THIS TO ME. WHY DOES SHE CONTINUE TO EMOTIONALLY ABUSE ME.
WHY WON’T SHE JUST DIE AND FUCKING LEAVE ME IN PEACE.
reminder that no one is required to love their parents because a lot of people do have genuinely shitty parents and if you invalidate people’s feelings about their toxic parents i’ll probably punch you in the throat
A series of prototype posters I did to address verbal abuse.
I was kind enough to have willing models and a great photographer. Thank you for all your help.
This is awesome. I approve.
Male Privilege is when I called the police on my father out of pure fear of him verbally assaulting/threatening me, trying to force-feeding me, and nearly punching me in the stomach and when the police arrived, I was the one who got in trouble instead.
My father literally talked them out of him me being the victim, made some small talk and became “buddies”. All the police were males and they just seemed so smug.
When I was asked to enter the same room as him, he played it off like everything was completely normal and that I was an insane, bratty teenage girl. He made sure to clarify that I was probably having another one of my “girl fits” right in front of my face.
The police contributed to this privilege by telling me that my dad is allowed to beat me for discipline until I have bruises, cuts, or scars. But, if he breaks a bone, then, and ONLY then, will he be guilty. They told me that since I was almost an “adult woman” and I should be helping around the house, acting appropriate, dressing appropriate, and respecting my father because he’s the man of the house.
I was forced to believe that I am guilty of disrespecting my father and that I just over reacted, when in reality I ran crying over to my neighbors house in fear just to get away from my dad and to call the police. I feel scared for my life because there’s no where to go and I’ll be treated as an over emotional woman if this ever happens again.
This experience will haunt me forever.
ANd people wonder why kids don’t report their parents